Thursday, August 23, 2012

Lamebook Challenge: Lost in Translation



  1. *Kaely aka Breezy is the name. Keep it out of your mouth, it’s not a dick. Fuck what you’ve heard. Recognize what you see. I am single for now. I’ve got 00 problems but a dick isn’t 1. You want to check out my swag? But i’m too “swaggalicious” and i don’t have a damn stain on me. All i have to say is “damn Gucci”. I’m the queen of “randomosity”. I’m small but i’m tough. I’m so reckless I can do it all by myself. I hate it when people talk shit. Because it smells like pussy over there fuck you “nigga”. Have something to say about me? Holler and say it. And don’t just say it, do something about it. Because 100 percent of the time, you’re just a whore. And i’ll hit you harder than the shit i smoke. I’m not on any other shit. Bitch, i’m on some more shit. That “hello, how are you? i’m at your front door” shit. That “oh no she’s got a gun! oh shit!” shit. I’m ok with weed. I’m up most outrageous. You bet my smile’s contagious. My blonde moments are legendary and i always take my partying too far. I love to joke around so if you don’t have a sense of humor then what the fuck are you doing on my page? Get the fuck up off my shit bitch. I absolutely can’t stand girls. They’re all scandalous bitches. I trust nobody (i choose to stay in my own lane, about my business). I hate drama so if you have it, keep it away from me. You can hate it. Love me or hate me, either way you’ll still be thinking of me and i can promise, you won’t make me or break me. I love my haters; they’re my entertainment for the day. Play me? No, i play them harder. Fuck me over? No, i’ll brush it off and hustle harder. This white girl is a cool girl and will keep it real with you, so contact me. Get to know me before you talk to me (because i can promise you, i’m a bad bitch and you will never forget me). Whether the memories were good or bad. Because there is no doubt, i’m definitely one of a kind, a crazy little bitch that will blow your mind. 1994-2010 Kaely. All rights reserved.

  2. Greetings, and allow me to introduce you to your latest object of interest! My name is Kaely, but my friends call me Breezy. However, I request that fellatio-prone scoundrels refrain from using that name.

    Please forget those rumors you have heard about me. I ask that you pay attention only to what you personally witness. I do not currently have a boyfriend; but while I do have many challenges, I assure you that finding a man is not one of them.

    Are you curious to know if I have style? Allow me to inform you that I am abundantly stylish, and spotless too! (Watch out, Gucci!) My attributes are of a highly uncorrelated distribution. I am small in stature, but strong at heart. I am quite independent and self-sufficient.

    I dislike it when people speak ill of me, especially when they happen to be so cowardly themselves! If people have an observation to make about me, I wish for them to confront me personally. In fact, I prefer that my critics act out their feelings rather than merely expressing them; for most of them are of low moral character, and I wish to strike them, even with an intensity greater than the strong medicinal agents I consume! In fact, not only am I tenacious; I am fearsome! (The type of fearsome that is manifested in surprising folks at their front door with a firearm, for example.)

    I enjoy consuming the cannabis sativa plant. I can be very vivacious, and have a delightful smile! As a fair-haired woman, I am known for my dopey escapades, and I do tend to overdo my evening socializing. I enjoy a good laugh now and then; if you do not appreciate humor, then you probably ought not to be on my Facebook page, and I invite you to move on.

    I have a strong aversion toward other females. I dislike them all, in fact, for they are persons of low repute! I do not trust other people. I prefer to act independently and mind my own business. I dislike dramatic tension, so please maintain such behaviors at a distance from my person.

    Of course, feel free to think ill of me; whether you appreciate me or disapprove of me, at least you are still thinking of me—though that does not affect me one way or the other. However, I do appreciate my critics as my primary source of daily amusement, if nothing else. Just when they think they are getting the upper hand on me, they find that, in fact, it is I who prevail! If they try to harm me, I recover instantly and strive even harder to triumph!

    I am one white lady who can be pleasant and quite forward, so be feel free to talk to me. But become acquainted with me before you attempt to address me; rest assured, I am a very colorful personal, and you will not forget me easily, whether the experience be positive or negative. For there is no question that I am very unique—a notable woman who will amaze you!

    Ms. Kaely *****
    All Rights Reserved

  3. YOLO

  4. No.

  5. I’m studying to be a professional Russian translator, so I couldn’t resist this. Here goes:

    Pleased to make your acquaintance, stranger. I do believe we will get along.

    My name is Kaely, but you may call me K’Breezy. Please refrain from pronouncing it during fellatio. If my reputaiton precedes me, do take note that many rumors are no more than fabrication, and you should make up your own mind. At the moment, I am not in any committed relationship. While I am facing hardship, thankfully none of my current difficulties are due to a man in my life.
    Do you happen to be interested in my unique demeanor and assets? At risk of appearing narcissistic, I believe myself to be quite charismatic, and with an unblemished conscience. I am fond of expensive brands, such as Gucci. I also have the propensity to be erratic and unintelligible in a fun and eccentric way. My small stature would misleadingly cause you to assume I am physically weak, but I am in fact fairly strong for my size. I pride myself on my independence, though perhaps I should accept help more often.
    It greatly distresses me when I hear negative comments about others; I find it to be a cowardly act, and I lose respect for those who partake in such unsavory behavior. I much prefer to be up front about any issues that arise between myself and my peers, and greatly value taking the initiative to solve the problem. Sadly, I am unable to remain civil with those who choose to unconstructively criticize me, and I often resort to violence to discourage this behavior. I do partake in recreational drugs, however, I limit my intake to types which require inhalation. I also enjoy insinuating that I will exercize my second amendment rights on the front steps of my rival’s house, however, this is unlikely to happen due to its illegality, and instead serves as a warning to those who would threaten me.
    I appreciate the monetary system currently in use in this country. I enjoy indulging in impulsive behavior. I am a positive person, and I take it upon myself to bring cheer to my friends and those around me. My lack of knowledge about the world and slow wit is very entertaining to my peers, and is stereotypically linked to my hair color. I am, in fact, a blonde. I do not know my own limits when I am intoxicated and/or at a party, but I am bizarrely proud of this fact.
    I greatly value humor, and think highly of my ability to tell jokes. If you are unable to understand my sense of humor, or are easily offended, please refrain from contacting me. Also, if you are female, I do not wish to be in your company. I find women to be inappropriate, antisocial, and untrustworthy. As a result, I am very misogynistic, and do not see the hypocrisy in this at all.
    I find it very difficult to trust others, and would much prefer to keep to myself. I do not appreciate the conflicts that occur during socialization with others, and avoid it as much as possible. I do not mind if this offends you, reader, as any form of attention greatly pleases me, and will not negatively affect me at all. My unwarranted self-importance allows me to perceive insults as humorous and the attention as flattering, and thus I am fond of those who despise me, in a strange and slightly masochistic manner. Every wrong that is done to me, I will intensify and return back to its owner, much like the playground nursery rhyme involving rubber and glue. I believe black American culture to be fascinating and demanding of respect, so I will emulate it despite being a member of the race which oppressed their ancestors. I do not find this offensive at all, and instead think it makes me appear to be formidible. I challenge you to convince me otherwise.
    I am enamored with myself and my strong personality, and think you will agree with my perceptions after we become acquainted. I am an unforgettable person, though perhaps not for the reasons I am aware of, but regardless of whether you find me wonderful or repulsive, I choose to use it to reinforce my feelings of uniqueness and individuality. I appeal to culturally positive conceptions of insanity and intensity when describing myself. I was born in 1994, died in 2010, and am now a quasi-intelligent zombie named Kaely, which I will now choose to spell with a 3 to make me seem culturally relevant. Please do not copy my long-winded, self-absorbed description of my completely unremarkable self. Brains.

  6. Hello, my names Kaely AKA K’Breezy…

    I’m a massive douche….

    Miss Kaely
    All Rights Reserved

  7. My name is Kaely. I plan to be my parents biggest disappointment and will work at Walmart for the next 20 years while collecting government money to help support my fatherless children.

  8. Meet your new obsession: Kaely, also known as K. Breezy. My name is not a penis, so kindly refrain from using it with your mouth. Be aware of my visibility. I am currently single, which is refreshing as out of a hypothetical number of 99 problems, a male is not one of them. Would you like to see examples of my confidence? I have an abundance of confidence and have no ill side effects as a result. I must interject here that Gucci makes excellent products (I use random statements so frequently, one might refer to me as “random royalty!”) I may be small in stature but I am quite formidable, and I am so careless that I will take on all challenges alone. I really dislike when people spew negativities and falsehoods as it carries an air of cowardice; and to those who would: a pox on thee, kind sir. If anyone has any words to speak of me, speak up and take action. You are just a common prostitute without exception, and I will strike you with more force than a tetrahydrocannabinol reaction.

    Ode to Marijuana,
    by K. Breezy

    I do not use drugs other than marijuana.
    Madam, I am currently using other drugs,
    The “Hello, how are you? I’m here at your front door” drugs,
    The “Oh no, she has a firearm, oh goodness” drugs.

    I have a fond appreciation for marijuana, and as a result am quite outrageous. I recommend wagering on my contagious smiles. I can sometimes live up to the “typical blonde” stereotype, and those moments are quite legendary. Sometimes, I can cross the line with my drug and alcohol use. I love levity, and I must warn you that if you cannot appreciate humor, then you really should not be reading, and I must ask you to leave and I bid you a kind farewell. I have a strong aversion to women as they are commonly disgraceful. I do not trust other people and I will stay on my own course minding to my own affairs. I do not care for irrational behavior, so if you behave irrationally, kindly do so out of my presence. You can have a negative opinion; you can love me or you can hate me, but be assured you will be thinking about me. I promise that you will neither hinder nor help me in my life’s journey. I love my detractors as they are a source of daily amusement. You cannot swindle me, as I am a greater swindler. If you try to hurt me, I will move past it and work harder. I am a Caucasian female who is genuine and will be honest with you, so approach me. Make my acquaintance before you reach judgment because I can assure you I am a formidable woman and you will never forget me, whether the memories are good or bad, because it is certain I am one of a kind: a small, spirited woman who will astonish you.

    ©1994-2010 Kaely [redacted]. All Rights Reserved.

  9. I’m an ignorant 18 year old bitch, hit me up 😛

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