Posts Tagged ‘twitter’

Bird Brain

Do you ever have conversations with yourself that escalate in self-sabotage right after your alarm goes off?

Like, “Just snooze for 9 more minutes.”

Then, “Just sleep for 30 more mins, you can be late to work.”

Then, “Just skip work.”

Then, “Just quit your job.”

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Green Without Envy

Everyone makes fun of people who say their kids’ age in months. “Our sweet son is named Thermometer and he’s 28 months old.” Once a girl said her dog was 17 months old. Everyone hates it. Not us, we respect it. Sometimes I forget how old I am in YEARS, let alone months. Most of the time, we can’t remember what day of the week it is, let alone the age of a Corgi in months. In conclusion, don’t name your son Thermometer.

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Wolf Of Sesame Street

Is anyone else just eating whatever they want and telling themselves, “Once the gyms open up, that’s when it changes”? Anyone else? Like, WHAT IF a full box of brown sugar frosted Pop-Tarts is the cure for Coronavirus? It may not be, but Pop-Tarts is a more reasonable cure than bleach.

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Open House

Quarantine has changed our expectations when it comes to texting. You’re not busy. Reply faster. If I text you at 8:30 I want a reply at 8:29. PLEASE FOLLOW @LAMEBOOK ON INSTAGRAM! THANKS!

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Good Boy Buzz

Is this quarantine making anyone else want to jump on a trampoline? Or shave their back hair into a mohawk? Or throw something at the TV every time a commercial says “we’re all in this together?” Or pretend the floor is lava and eat string cheese? Anybody? Cool cool cool. PLEASE FOLLOW @LAMEBOOK ON INSTAGRAM!

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