Thursday, December 8, 2011

Ghost Busted

previous post: Ultimate Updates



  1. Coolest mom ever.

  2. Parenting, Australian style. Win.

  3. mum is a whore. it took an hour to get back to fleur

  4. I think tiburtom still asks his mummy to wipe his burtom.

  5. Fleur needs to sprout some fucking balls and turn on the lights. With a name like that he’s either got to figure out how to take one hell of a punch, or never go outside.

    Possums are not vegetarian though, just for the record. They’re omnivores.
    Fun fact: New York tried to use possums for pest control purposes (they had a shit ton of rats running around) and while they did effectively assault the rat population, the possum population exploded in response to the abundance of food (garbage, rats, pigeons, etc), creating their own pest problem.

  6. @ lex, fleur is French for flower. I agree, if it is a male, there is something wrong

  7. I believe this is the same Amber and Fleur who made an appearance here around six months ago. Young Fleur had to relinquish her laptop after she said she felt like punching someone because her mother grounded her for drinking Bacardi Breezers in the park. She said all this on Facebook and forgot that she added her mum.

    Amber, with her dry wit and resilence, sounds like a person I’d love to have a drink with. Hello if you are out there!

  8. @Lex…why on earth would you assume Fleur is a male?

  9. slicingupeyeballs

    Different possums I suspect lex.
    Australian possums are marsupials, and although protected and ooh’ed and aaah’ed at in Australia as they look cuddly, in NZ there are no natural predators so they are widespread, decimate the rainforest, kill native birds, and frighten the life out of unsuspecting drunks staggering home through the park.

    Possums are cunts…

  10. @marfase
    It was merely an impression I got…for some reason. Not sure why reading back, but, grammatically, if you don’t know the gender of a subject it is standard procedure to refer to it in the same tense you would to yourself. Also the helplessness in regards to cleaning and food are, in my very limited experience, mostly adolescent male problems.

    That makes a lot of sense. Is that what they are actually called or is that just a local nickname that the Aussies gave them?

    Also, how did we establish that these are Australians?

  11. @lex: I’d assume they were Australians because they say “mum” (used in Australia and Britain) but they don’t have Possums in Britain.

    Also I have met quite a few women/girls named Fleur, but never a boy. Considering that it does mean “flower” that’s not a particularly manly name… adolescent helplessness is about equal in girls and boys, I’m afraid.

  12. So we’re saying this is a girl? Is that our Internet Consensus? Bummer. I guess I’m fallible now…. 🙁

    I have met boys named Ashley and Rainbow and Lisa and girls that were named Bobby and Robby and Fred. I’ve heard of kids named Sunday and Apple and Blanket and Blade and As-Matik and Cocaine and Audio Science(I shit you not).
    I guess what I’m saying is I’ve kinda come to the point where someone’s name isn’t necessarily always a good gender indicator so I just assume male unless proven otherwise.

    You win this round Internet, but I’LL BE BACK! You haven’t seen the last of meeeeeeee!
    *EXIT: lexluther in a cloud of smoke and maniacal cackling*

  13. Codename Dutchess

    Its ok, lex, i think Fleur is a boy too. I mean come the fuck on, no self respecting teenage girl would be so oblivious as to not know where the sandwich making ingredients are located. Or its a parenting fail by ‘mum.’ This entry reeks of all around fuckery.

  14. No one calls anyone anymore

  15. @lexluther: I will assume that was a sexist statement until proven otherwise. “Proven”, like their gender is on trial!

    I love how the ambiguity of Fleur’s line, “from your favourite child” excludes their own gender, bringing us to the sound realisation that males and females can be equally as incompetant.

    Fleur is a girl. She knows where the kitchen is, she’s just a lazy cow.

    And possums are still Satan’s best friends in Australia.


  16. Using “mum” isn’t really the best indicator of location, either. I used to be friends with some girl who was all around Canadian, yet called her mom “mum”. Just sayin’…

  17. Because, for some inexplicable reason, it is really fucking important for lamebooketeers to know the gender of the person about whom they are about to launch an outrageously malicious, yet poorly-informed, rant.

    You pack of muppets.

  18. Hi Dragonfly, I am out here. Your shout?

    We’re Australian; Fleur is a girl; she didn’t turn the light on because it was broad daylight; yes she should grow some metaphorical balls; yes she should find her own food – not because she’s a female, but because she’s 15 and entirely capable of doing so; yes she was being a lazy cow (and I say that with all the love in the world).

    Oh, and yes I probably am a whore, but not because it took me an hour to respond. Probably because I have sex for money. No wait, the other thing.

  19. Apparently there are ‘possums’ in Australia and New Zealand. They are not the same thing as what we have in the states (obviously).


  20. @lex “it is standard procedure to refer to it in the same tense you would to yourself.”

    If anyone can find a tenth of a way in which that makes any sense, I’ll give them all the money in my wallet.

    Since when was he she and it a tense? And since when did it matter which sex (or tense, for that matter) YOU were?

    Usual gender assignments:
    Unknown People – He
    Vehicles, Countries – She
    Animals – It

    Everyone knows this, surely.

    P.S. @ verisimi you are a total whore. how dare you have a job, or a social life, or activities outside your home. you insufficient, ungrateful, disappointing bunion!

    Kids, Job, Life – pick any one (and you have to pick kids.)

  21. Hi Ms. Amber,you are one cool mum. Would you like to fuck?

  22. Well I think we all know the answer to that, yodawg.

  23. I can’t stop laughing at “you pack of muppets” Thanks MAT
    @ Dutchess, “Fuckery”is my new catch phrase. I thank you kindly.

  24. ‘Fuckery’ is my new word and ‘i shit you not’
    Pack of muppets! Lmfao oh god

  25. There’s nothing worse than a parent’s sarcasm….

  26. @Scode83
    What?!? A parent’s sarcasm is wicked funny. There is nothing better than putting a whiny, immature, ungrateful teen in their place.

  27. Ok peterpiper, you got me. I used the wrong word on the Internet. I’m sorry. You can revoke my Internet license now.
    Wait a sec, you figured out what I was saying? Even though I referred to gender assignment as a tense, you could understand what I meant? No way! You owe yourself all the money in your wallet (I guess). Congratulations!
    P.S. Where were you and your helpful list of ‘Usual gender assignments’ in the beginning when I referred to Fleur as a ‘he’? It could have been so useful back then. Instead, you’re just a garden variety asshole.

    versimilitude, You are awesome. You have vegetarian possums? That’s cool. We have ones that eat rats and garbage. I thought you guys had all the scary shit that eats/maims/kills everything else down there, but apparently our possums would kick your possums’ asses. They have big, pointy teeth (*Fpff Fppfff Pffppf)<-Those are squeaky noises. Onomatopoeia is hard.

  28. I am still laughing at “you pack of muppets”. I went to work yesterday and called them a pack of muppets, they didn’t get it. I guess you’d have to be there or could be that I work in a daycare with toddlers. Whatevs I got a giggle out of it!

  29. allusernameseveraretaken


  30. @lex You are correct – I am a dick. My bad. In all seriousness sorry about that. I’m exactly the kind of guy who strolls round internet fora pointing out mistakes and misuses of grammar and syntax. But so what, that’s totally my perogative. Anyway, just to inform you that I’m happy to give you the BoD on this one, you can keep your internet licence for the time being, subject to a yearly review. Also (for the record)I didn’t correct you because I am inherently indisposed to the incorrect use of “tense” it was more like… because you were talking shit. Your “male unless proven…” theorem does however work well with regards to whores in Thailand.

  31. @peterpiper *prerogative
    The internet is fun.

  32. JoeBalls FTW
    How much does that suck to get schooled when you’re being a dick by TRYING to school someone else? Peterpiper is a muppet full of fuckery.

  33. FinishHimFlawlessVictory

    This would be how I would expect my Mom to reply, if she didn’t….I would be worried that she was ill!

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