Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Meet Marti

previous post: Foreclosing the Win



  1. Moooooo!

  2. whyyyy doessss sheeee havvveee to writeeeee likeeee thissss????

  3. I think she may have been indulging in too many jelly donuts over her keyboard as her letters are clearly stuck down.

  4. Vomit

  5. This makes me dizzy as hell as I try to decipher what the hell she is saying.

  6. littlemissgenius

    I so don’t get why people write like this. It’s annoying as shit to read and I imagine even more annoying to write. If you’re over the age of ten and still can’t be bothered to spell simple words like “him” or “know” correctly, you don’t deserve to have access to other human beings let alone a damn internet connection.

    I hate to sound like a curmudgeonly old bitch (oh, who am I kidding, I do like it!), but I weep for future generations.

  7. I do not weep for future generations. Stupid people get what they deserve.

  8. lol

  9. this is serious business, they are going to their gravy together.

  10. 1. I wonder if she’s as whiny IRL as she sounds in this posttttttt.

    2. “MEE & the WONDERFUL man in my life gone go to the gravy togetherr.” BWAHAHAHAHAHA

    I want to go to my gravy with biscuits hehehehehe

  11. CommentsAtLarge

    Writing like that makes me picture her telling all this to me while running in circles, hence the extra letters – it’s the words trailing off as she goes.

  12. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    The best time to meet Marti is when her boyfriend (inevitably) cheats on her. Let’s see how stupid and incomprehensible she will be then.

  13. Apparently 6,000+ texts in two months = true love <333333




  14. She sounds like she is trying to speak to a whale in finding Nemo… “Caaaaaaaannnnnn Yyyyooooooouuu paaaaaaassssss theeeeee cooooooooookiiiiieeeeeessssssss pleeeaaaassseee?”

  15. The sophisticated young lady on his side… I somehow find that hard to believe

  16. I dare not post for fear she’ll sence me and will buss 5 caps in my ass.

  17. She spelled sophisticated correctly. How is this so? If she can spell that then why the hell can’t she write anything else?

  18. What is “on the cool ION wanna find it”?

  19. Heh… “gravy”
    Wow. Two whole months in a relationship and “itt hasentt been easyy”
    I’ll be shocked if this relationship doesn’t last.

    I don’t think 6178 messages count when all of “baee’s” massages have been “I’m sorry can you repeat that?” and/or “Please stop talking like that.”

  20. I think she was going along a really bumpy road writing this

  21. “I’m not shit and you’re not shit until we get together?”

    I can’t fathom this one. If her first language is not English then she can be excused. But even someone with dyslexia is far more articulate than this.

    I think dollyrocker summed it up perfectly.

  22. I’m pretty confusd as to what her boyfriend’s name could be. If my eyes are to be believed, it’s Baee. But once you ignore her rampant rape of the letter E, it could be Bae. Since I’ve never met anyone with this name, I’m starting to wonder whether she just can’t even spell “babe”

    But it’s all gravieeeeee ba(b)eeeee

  23. What the hell does ‘bae’ mean and why do I keep seeing it? :-/

  24. Oh, jelly kinda answered me up there. Bae=babe?? That’s lame. The bad kind of lame.

  25. Filipinos usually use the term ‘Bae’ instead of babe

  26. Maybe she’s gone to the gravy so often she needs a larger person’s keyboard …

  27. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities


  28. Someone has had too much sugar.

    Or crack.

    Or both.

  29. Does 5818 + 353 mean that she’s sent him 5818 texts and he’s only replied to 353 of them?

  30. 5818 + 353

    Is this sum the times she has texted (sent messages, or ‘s’) multiplied by the messages received from the poor bastard she is dating (received messages, or ‘r’)?

    If so, why is there such an inequitable relationship between s and r in this subparadigm arrangement? Could it be that she is, in fact, barraging a stranger with texts? Or is she dating an ineffectual bomb-disposal expert/butcher’s assistant?

    Lastly, is it against the law to re-text photos of 15 year olds exploring their sexuality? Surely it’s all healthy, right?

  31. 5818 + 353 =/= 6178

  32. looks like we have a stage 5 clingger here…seriously though congrats for making it through those tough times and actualy reaching 2 MONTHS!!!! a major achievment guys…..yeeeshhh!

  33. 5818+353=6171 she apparently can’t add either

    10 dollars says she’s the one who sent 5000+ text and his consisted of yea,no,WTF & show me your tits

    yeah I remember our 2 month dating anniversary….no wait nope no I don’t. We don’t celebrate mediocrity we’re too busy getting along.

  34. News flash, those 3,000+ people who are ur “friends” most likely have no idea you exist. Classic facebook whore, adding a butt load of people to pretend that when she posts something like this they are actually reading. If they did read it, she would have a lot less friends.

    “on the cool ION wanna findd itt” = on the cool, I don’t want to find it

  35. February 20th. Obviously, the poor bastard just wanted a piece of ass (what’s easier than a single airhead on or right after Valentine’s day), but judging from what I, too, believe to be the texts ratio, he got way more than he bargained for.
    Stuck with the clingy psychopathic bitch

  36. Absolutely disgusting. This person should be taken out back and “buss 5 caps in her ass”.

  37. This HAS to be a troll….there’s no way this person would spell sophisticated correctly (unless, maybe that’s the name of the perfume she wears or something…I bet it smells like baby prostitutes)

    *cries for humanity*

  38. Mah eyezzz r bleedingggg!!!1!!

    This method of “spelling” (if you can call it that, it’s more like random banging of keys) is obnoxious. I can’t handle it. It makes me want to stab myself in the eye.

  39. aww come on! two months is a long time when you’re 12.

  40. I thought to be considered sophisticated you would at least know how to use proper English, which includes spelling and grammar. Guess I could be wrong though. 🙂

  41. Either way, they are both idiots, and she’s an idiot who types like a mentally-retarded child. He’s an idiot for staying with her of course, but hey, maybe she is a descent fuck? Either way, these idiots deserve each other. Now, if only there was a way we could stop jerk-offs like this from broadcasting their idiotness out into the wider world…oops, there goes 99% of facebook users…

  42. A descent fuck? What a downer.

  43. @kawazzi I laughed so hard I pee’d a little.

  44. dirtycopgangsta

    Anybody else think Bill Cosby wrote this ?

  45. I can’t believe it took as long as it did for somebody to realize she couldn’t add either. Going to the gravy? Sounds fun, wonder what it consist of.

  46. @littlemissgenius .. I make your words my own! English is not even my first language, but everytime I read texts like this I feel insulted!

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