Ok, so a beer in one hand, and a dick in the other… how does one hold the soap when one is jack bowering? Any aficionados of this activity here on Lamebook who are willing to give us the lowdown?
@wordpervert
you don’t hold soap. i used to partake in the female version of this activity during the 6 weeks of no sex that follows childbirth. a bottle of sangria and a clit vibrator can restore sanity to new moms.
you do the actual cleaning part first, then go to town until you get off or the water gets cold.
I have no idea why I was under the impression the soap was involved in anal sex, which made Word’s question quite legitimate. Might be I’m mixing this with what I was reading earlier on geniuses and weird sex habits.
I think I’ll go home and sleep now.
Maybe set a date with the shower first, though
I don’t think I really want to know but why can’t you have sex for 6 weeks afterchildbirth #6? Did your partner put you in timeout? I’d think it be the guy in the shower trying to find othermeans to pleasure himself while the new mom recovers, but if it’s the wife in the shower all by herself…?? You got fat didn’t you?
Or maybe the wife has to wait because it takes 6 weeks for the guy to get over the trauma of seeing a bulbous head thrusting OUT of the vagina rather than disappearing into it. That’s some sci-fi shit right there.
saffer, i’m no expert on childbirth, but presumably the 6 week thing has something to do with the fact that her fanny got ripped at the seams. plus, she probably wouldn’t feel a thing – it would be like throwing a sausage down a hallway, what’s the point?
curlybap, are you telling me that you could pass something the size of a marrow through your front bottom and have your tiny tuppence remain intact? i’ve dabbled in anal stretching before, and i’ve seen the damage that can be done by vegetables half the size of a baby (courgette, butternut squash etc). now i’ve read that the vagina is allegedly more elastic than the anus, but seriously – babies are enormous!
vince: i don’t have a saggy vagina, i do kegels! also, fish taco? all this time i thought you were gay…
saffer: if a woman has sex after childbirth and she’s had an episiotomy, she can die if an air bubble gets in and travels to her bloodstream, or so my doctor said. and no, i didn’t get fat. i went straight back to a size 2.
no, i meant an actual fish taco. they’re surprisingly tasty and nutritious once you look beyond the negative associations. when i serve them at my restaurant, i have to call them something like “goujons of plaice on a bed of romaine lettuce served in a corn tortilla” or else no one would order them.
i’m glad that you have a taut vagina to match your slimline figure. your kid(s) should be proud! i wish they had a gay version of kegels, but alas i fear my sphincter will never be the same again.
vincent, i bring you some good news from wikipedia:
“In men this exercise lifts up the testicles, also strengthening the cremaster muscle as well as the anal sphincter, as the anus is the main area contracted when a Kegel is done. This is because the pubococcygeus muscle begins around the anus and runs up to the urinary sphincter.”
Vinnie, unless said doctor is using a hacksaw, the scar is usually not that big a deal. The extra healing time may keep a lady out of the game for a while, but us breeders can look past the scar come naked time.
I really admire the mothers on here and I’m sorry on Vinny’s behalf that he’s making fun of the process of childbirth. That said, the world probably got as populated as it did because news like this wasn’t been passed on to young women who are yet to be mothers. Thank you for making me aware of a procedure called episiotomy, now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go get my tubes tied.
And also talk of gay guys who dabble in anal stretching with vegetables of various sizes, Hawky. Don’t leave that part out. Give me a scarred-up, postnatal taco any day of the week.
saffer, anyone who can’t see the funny side of having a midget crawl out of their vagina doesn’t deserve to partake in the wonders of childbirth.
besides, i wasn’t really making fun of it. as an out gay man, i sometimes feel like an outsider looking in on the strange and magical world of heterosexual breeding. i express these insecurities through crude humour, though secretly i envy you all. i actually tried to adopt this really hot filipino twink recently, but there were some paperwork issues with the agency so it didn’t go through. shame, i was really looking forward to him calling me daddy…
so, what i really want to say is this: any of the delightful females on this site want to lend me their womb for 9 months?
My 9th wife used to like drinking in the shower, which was a bit weird considering it was normally of the golden variety, but apparently it’s very good for the metabolism, so nuh.
I actually like a baggy girls-gutter, it means you don’t have to force the issue when inserting stuff.
vincent i have a serious question, im not trying to be a smartass or start a flame war but why do girls and gay guys do anal stretching? Would that fucking hurt? I let my bf do anal once and i couldnt walk properly for 2 days
steeeeeveeeeeer
noooooooooodlllllleeeeees!
fuuuuuuucccck yooouuu
heeeeeeeyyyyyyy youuuuuuuuu guyyyyyyyyyssssss
Yes, you sound like Sloth to me.
Ok, so a beer in one hand, and a dick in the other… how does one hold the soap when one is jack bowering? Any aficionados of this activity here on Lamebook who are willing to give us the lowdown?
@wordpervert
you don’t hold soap. i used to partake in the female version of this activity during the 6 weeks of no sex that follows childbirth. a bottle of sangria and a clit vibrator can restore sanity to new moms.
you do the actual cleaning part first, then go to town until you get off or the water gets cold.
zombie, that sounds very nice. I love that you get yourself all clean and then get dirty all over again.
I have no idea why I was under the impression the soap was involved in anal sex, which made Word’s question quite legitimate. Might be I’m mixing this with what I was reading earlier on geniuses and weird sex habits.
I think I’ll go home and sleep now.
Maybe set a date with the shower first, though
#6, i’m struggling to keep this fish taco down as it is, reading about the post-natal adventures of your saggy vagina definitely isn’t helping.
Good one, Vince 🙂
I don’t think I really want to know but why can’t you have sex for 6 weeks afterchildbirth #6? Did your partner put you in timeout? I’d think it be the guy in the shower trying to find othermeans to pleasure himself while the new mom recovers, but if it’s the wife in the shower all by herself…?? You got fat didn’t you?
Vincent, we don’t all have saggy fannies after childbirth you know.
I’m thinking it has to do with the episiotomy…
Or maybe the wife has to wait because it takes 6 weeks for the guy to get over the trauma of seeing a bulbous head thrusting OUT of the vagina rather than disappearing into it. That’s some sci-fi shit right there.
saffer, i’m no expert on childbirth, but presumably the 6 week thing has something to do with the fact that her fanny got ripped at the seams. plus, she probably wouldn’t feel a thing – it would be like throwing a sausage down a hallway, what’s the point?
curlybap, are you telling me that you could pass something the size of a marrow through your front bottom and have your tiny tuppence remain intact? i’ve dabbled in anal stretching before, and i’ve seen the damage that can be done by vegetables half the size of a baby (courgette, butternut squash etc). now i’ve read that the vagina is allegedly more elastic than the anus, but seriously – babies are enormous!
vince: i don’t have a saggy vagina, i do kegels! also, fish taco? all this time i thought you were gay…
saffer: if a woman has sex after childbirth and she’s had an episiotomy, she can die if an air bubble gets in and travels to her bloodstream, or so my doctor said. and no, i didn’t get fat. i went straight back to a size 2.
lol zombies – I had the same thought about the fish tacos.
no, i meant an actual fish taco. they’re surprisingly tasty and nutritious once you look beyond the negative associations. when i serve them at my restaurant, i have to call them something like “goujons of plaice on a bed of romaine lettuce served in a corn tortilla” or else no one would order them.
i’m glad that you have a taut vagina to match your slimline figure. your kid(s) should be proud! i wish they had a gay version of kegels, but alas i fear my sphincter will never be the same again.
vincent, i bring you some good news from wikipedia:
“In men this exercise lifts up the testicles, also strengthening the cremaster muscle as well as the anal sphincter, as the anus is the main area contracted when a Kegel is done. This is because the pubococcygeus muscle begins around the anus and runs up to the urinary sphincter.”
Ah but vincent, if you’re smart you don’t have to lie there sweating and screaming pushing a baby out. Just have the doctor cut you open. Ta da.
that is so cheating, curlybap. also, what good is a tight pussy if men are instantly turned off by your scarred abdomen?
There’s always doggy style. All hope is not lost for women who had a c-section
Vinnie, unless said doctor is using a hacksaw, the scar is usually not that big a deal. The extra healing time may keep a lady out of the game for a while, but us breeders can look past the scar come naked time.
I really admire the mothers on here and I’m sorry on Vinny’s behalf that he’s making fun of the process of childbirth. That said, the world probably got as populated as it did because news like this wasn’t been passed on to young women who are yet to be mothers. Thank you for making me aware of a procedure called episiotomy, now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go get my tubes tied.
gawd, I shouldn’t have asked 🙁
I like how a post about masturbation turned all serious about childbirth. Nah, I don’t like it…
And also talk of gay guys who dabble in anal stretching with vegetables of various sizes, Hawky. Don’t leave that part out. Give me a scarred-up, postnatal taco any day of the week.
#7 Good point. Always bear in mind the jack comes first. It’s easy to remember because the jack comes first. 24s FTW.
saffer, anyone who can’t see the funny side of having a midget crawl out of their vagina doesn’t deserve to partake in the wonders of childbirth.
besides, i wasn’t really making fun of it. as an out gay man, i sometimes feel like an outsider looking in on the strange and magical world of heterosexual breeding. i express these insecurities through crude humour, though secretly i envy you all. i actually tried to adopt this really hot filipino twink recently, but there were some paperwork issues with the agency so it didn’t go through. shame, i was really looking forward to him calling me daddy…
so, what i really want to say is this: any of the delightful females on this site want to lend me their womb for 9 months?
The only thing better is a beer while shitting.
Depends how much you’re willing to pay vincent?
Wish I could un-read these comments, so many unsettling images on constant loop in my head now.
You guys just can’t handle it 😛
vincent, i’d lend you my baby maker for a shopping trip in london along with all the british tea my heart can desire.
My 9th wife used to like drinking in the shower, which was a bit weird considering it was normally of the golden variety, but apparently it’s very good for the metabolism, so nuh.
I actually like a baggy girls-gutter, it means you don’t have to force the issue when inserting stuff.
@word…Yes, I was ignoring that part.
vincent i have a serious question, im not trying to be a smartass or start a flame war but why do girls and gay guys do anal stretching? Would that fucking hurt? I let my bf do anal once and i couldnt walk properly for 2 days
The fucking wouldn’t hurt if you practiced anal stretching.
yea but the stretching would hurt like a bitch and seriously i dont get any pleasure out of it…