Thursday, October 22, 2009

Call the Police


previous post: Mac N Sleaze



  1. @ 91

    “bought and paid for” is redundant. just sayin’.

  2. ryanoceros, tell me about your horns? I dated a triceratops once

  3. “there are no decent women anywhere”

    mate, you are friends with Ian. Do you think hes some sort of top bloke? a really stand up guy?

  4. @a theist

    Probably, but I never do anything serious like that expecting to repent afterwards. Like I said if you do it expecting to repent afterwards then you’re not really sorry you did it.

  5. HUH?

    I meant the “Some people don’t read properly” bit.

  6. @Boz and QQ: my friend pointed out to me that while I WANT to find a happy forever-relationship, I have a lot of fears that there’s no such thing (all the couples I know are deeply fucked up, I myself was married for almost a decade and it didn’t work out, etc.).

    So basically the universe knows I’m scared of having another long-term relationship fail on me so it’s making sure that won’t happen–by preventing me from having ANY long-term relationship. (Or, for the less spiritual people in our studio audience, let’s just say my cynicism made a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

    I generally have my head together, have awesome relationship skills, and know how to present myself well on dates–so there’s nothing about ME that’s gonna uniformly put guys off. And by this point I know all the signs of an abusive asshole without ever needing to have even ONE date with one. So the only remaining option is for the universe to send me perfectly nice guys who are either too flaky to settle down with ANYONE, or who just broke up with a long-term gf and aren’t ready to be with someone new. I also had two different guys break it off with me when an ex from years before resurfaced and wanted them back.

    I think the key to breaking this cycle will be to make a list of what I want in my ideal guy (a VERY SPECIFIC list, because the universe is kind of stupid and overly literal when interpreting requests) and try to stop being afraid. Just because all my friends are either single or in dysfunctional relationships doesn’t mean those are the only two possible states of being, after all.

    Wow, this post feels entirely too earnest for this website. But you asked for details, so…yeah.

  7. @a theist

    Oh, then you’re wrong. I can read properly.

  8. Vincent, Boz, et al

    How dare you all disagree with our expert opinions on relationships? The internet is the only place people actually BELIEVE us when we say we have experience with women. Which is why we post teal deers over-analyzing failed relationships.

    We know about these things. Really. We do.

  9. Feel sorry for David.
    Ian sounds like he needs to be in an asylum.

  10. i agree with all those who are pro-david. the fact that she cheated because she thought he would forgive her is crap and he clearly isn’t abusive because of the whole closest-ive-ever-come-to-hitting-a-girl thing

  11. All women are whores.. etc

  12. One word = CONTRACEPTION

  13. All Bozes eat cockmeat sandwiches, etc.

  14. David, do we sense a pattern? Three for three…and yet you boast of being sexist?

  15. *eyeroll*

    skora – southernbelle and I had “words” yesterday here. Her arguments are FAR too intelligent for “let my clit hang out.” That’s clearly a troll impersonating her. An adolescent troll who’s never seen a vagina to know that a “clit hanging out” would earn a spot in the freak show.

  16. Oh, and the eyeroll wasn’t at you, skora. It was at the fake southernbelle.

  17. sigh… Lamebook admins, is it really THAT hard to allow people to register here? I’ll set it up for free.

    This is getting pretty ridiculous.

    @Ms. Terri

    I’ve seen a vagina… they’re pretty. 🙂 (I’m not the fake southernbelle, haha, I’m actually pretty sick of all the impersonators here. Lamebook’s webmasters need to go to college for 3 weeks and figure out how to set up their site with accounts.)

  18. Dude, they could probably take a 1 hour seminar and learn how to do it.

  19. @101 – that may well be the case, but it’s also a recognised and well-used phrase. Google it.

    Furthermore, “to boldly go where no man has gone before” is a split infinitive, but nobody seems to have puppies over that.

    When the legend becomes truth; print the legend.

  20. I used to take testosterone so I could beat old people out of their bus fare so my clit grew like a small cock. My labia needs surgery to get cut back because it is getting to drag on the ground….here is proof..
    That was me before I got into a 20 niga gang bang….

  21. Now Ian is my kind of guy, I wonder if he’s taken!!!

  22. i know both of these guys and attended highschool with them. david is a sad little emo who is 24 and the . girlfriend in question is a 16 year old high school student. ian is a very odd kid who dresses up in the anime girl doll style…whatever thats called. and wears makeup.

  23. Toot toot, here comes the misogyny parade, led by David and Ian!

  24. bitch a hoe, need to be put in her place

  25. I am now your secret admirer. I’ll be here, admiring you.

  26. What’s wrong with this? A slut cheats on you, you fucking destroy her. A slut carrying your baby cheats on you, you make fucking sure she loses that baby.

  27. Love this guy Ian. He’s my hero.

    How do you turn a dishwasher into a leaf blower…….give the bitch a rake. I kill me. Hah.

  28. with regards to sukmyboomsticks comment that if david paid more attention to the behaviour and attitudes of the slutty amoral women he ends up with rather than their ass and titties then david would never get laid. What David’s real problem is his emotional insecurities that cause him to form a relationship with said slutty amoral women and cling to them and convincing himself he’s in love, rather than just banging them and going search of another slut too bang.

    David is indeed a first class wanker who can’t be bothered to wank.

  29. There seems to be a plethora of guys names Ian on this site.

  30. @CaitieDid
    good use of the word plethora… thats all… XD

  31. give me a few minutesh with that cheating whore, I’ll show her whatsh what…I always shay it’s perfectly fine for a man to shlap a woman when she’s been a dirty whore

  32. In response to Sean Connery’s comment, The police need to be called on you. Violence in any shape or form is unacceptable especially when a man hits a woman!!! Only a coward would find this an acceptable way to teach somebody a lesson!!!!

  33. please…men hitting women isnt acceptable? double standard, if a chick hit me and i were a dude id hit her back. women can call men names and threaten to beat their asses all the time for stupid shit, but when its a man saying it, call the cops? please. when you stop acting like a lady, you arent a lady in my book. slap her pregnant ass.

  34. ruvie –

    You said that there’s a double standard and that you, if you were a man, would retaliate against a woman who hit you. Fine, whatever. The pregnant slut didn’t hit anyone, though. Hitting her would be initiating the violence, not responding to violence. Also, she’s pregnant. She’s carrying around a vulnerable fetus. Finally, most people think men hitting women is wrong for the same reason that we think non-disabled people shouldn’t beat up on people in wheelchairs. There’s a considerable strength difference. It’s considered almost dishonorable to fight someone who’s physically so much weaker than you are. You can call that a double standard if you want, but it’s not altogether crazy to have different standards when there are *actual* differences.

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