Wednesday, September 9, 2009



previous post: Little Jerk



  1. John’s family totally doesn’t get symbolism.

  2. My first name is another word for Penis!

  3. Only a month? Make it permanent.

  4. This is so good. Getting grounded from Facebook … haha. Poor kid.

  5. Queen Elizabeth II

    I call fake.

    Nobody signs off “Aunt Debbie” or “Uncle Peter”, and this post wouldn’t have been *that* amusing if we didn’t know that they were his relatives.

  6. Just another reason NOT to friend your family members on facebook.

  7. Why are they writing on his wall, instead of commenting on the quiz?

  8. Wasn’t difficult to find him – he’s about 12 years old. Doesn’t even know what a penis is…

  9. If he’s too young to be posting stuff like, than maybe he’s too young for Facebook! Nothing like nosey family members calling you out publicly!

  10. Kids today should have to put these things in their yearbooks.

  11. Are people seriously going to such great lengths to make it onto lamebook?
    Why is his aunt and uncle calling him by his full name.
    And when the fuck do aunts and uncles assume the role of a parent, unless Uncle Peter is touching John Dick’s dick in a manner which makes him shoot his jizz all over Uncle Peter’s peter, all the while Aunt Debbie is jerking off the dog while listening to Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight”

  12. Listen to Aunt Boobsie and Uncle Scrotum, keep the family secrets secret!

  13. Why would Uncle Peter be embarrassed for his friends to see this? Why would they be looking at his nephew’s page? Either this is fake, or this family is a bunch of idiots. Or both.

  14. QEII is right. Fake.

  15. Here are my guesses: Uncle Peter doesn’t understand that his friends can’t see John’s posts unless they are friends with John themselves, so he thinks everyone he knows can see his nephew is a dick.

    Aunt Debbie doesn’t get the differance between replying to a post and posting on someone’s wall. Because she saw uncle Peter signing with _Uncle_ Peter, she decided to sign her post in the same manner.

  16. Uncle Peter and Aunt Debbie completed the quiz “What Body Part Are You?” with the result “See you next Tuesday!”

  17. Why does it say…

    ‘John D……John call me now!’


  18. I have a couple of “oldies” as Facebook friends, and they pull daft shit like this all the time, i.e. posting on walls instead of simply commenting, or writing what should be wall posts as their status updates, so maybe this isn’t a fake, and if it isn’t, then Uncle Peter and Aunt Debbie need to STFU and let John hang his wiener where he wants.

  19. @ 17 – that would be daddy I guess?

  20. @19 I agree, the profile pic is different to dick John’s.

    The lamest part of this is the quiz itself, as all those stupid Facebook quizzes – they are the most ridiculous things ever launched into cyberspace.

  21. Ah thank you for unconfusing my mind.

  22. Modern technology has a lot to answer for. Just have to remember that Big Brother is watching e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. (With apologies to Woody from Toy Story)

  23. @STC

    Not me. I put Big Brother on limited profile.

  24. Not just talking about FB – the internet generally. People believe that they’re anonymous on the sites but we all know it’s possible to track where and what we’ve all been doing.

  25. @ 24 STC – yes, even B Obama says so!

  26. would john have been given the same amount of grief if the quiz came back that he was a chin, or bicep, or toe? no, it would have been kind of cute and funny.

    aunt deborah, “haha, little nephew john took a quiz on facebook and it said he was a belly button because he’s cute and always in the middle of things! oh that nephew of mine, just so dern adorable!”

    i don’t see why he should be grounded for taking a quiz, the result was not up to him.

    facebook let uncle peter and aunt deborah down, not sweet, innocent johnny.

  27. I actually took that quiz a couple weeks ago(it’s pretty good as far as Facebook quizzes go) and got hands I think. I still didn’t publish it though.

  28. I think this is real! The aunt and uncle probably called John’s parents. Every so often I see the profiles of friends whose older family members have joined facebook, and these not-so-internet-savvy folks post on walls like they are writing a letter…”Dear ______, it’s your Aunt Kathy!” like really, we can see that haha

  29. Even old fogies don’t talk like this.

    Uncle Jonas

  30. I am embarrassed at Uncle Peter’s spelling of embarrassed.

  31. Lol at the puritannical rellies! In saying that I’m wondering from Uncle Peter’s comment just what John’s age is?? How old/young is innapropriate for this kind of post?

    Above comment working on the assumption this isn’t a fake ^

  32. My extended family all uses “Uncle” and “Aunt” to refer to our elders. I’m 30 years old and have cousins in their 40s and we all still say “Uncle Gary” or “Aunt Nancy”, etc. It’s a sign of respect and how we were raised to address them. I get cards from my aunt signed “Love, Aunt Mary”. So don’t be so quick to scream “Fake” based on that. And no, this isn’t my family in the post 🙂

  33. The father and son are both named John.

  34. It isn’t the fact that people call their uncles and aunts “aunt judy” etc. It’s that they make sure to sign it that way, which seems a bit far-fetched to be believable. Speaking is different from signing off on facebook.

    Uncle Jonas

  35. Wait a minute! That’s not a penis!

    That’s just some guy dressed as a penis.

  36. ahahaha Owned, kid got grounded over facebook.

  37. john, you’re a dick!

  38. @ 35, Boz: No, Boz. Every penis looks like that. Look very close next time, you will see a little face staring back at you.

    Eerie, isn’t it?

  39. It’s a real post. There was more but I didn’t get it all before they erased the other comments. One was from his dad like ‘You tell all your friends on Facebook that you can’t be on it for a month’ like the dad didn’t just do that already by writing on his wall. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

  40. @34
    My uncles, aunts, and grandparents are on facebook, and DO sign things as Aunt ___ or Uncle ___ or Grandma/Grandpa. And are also nosy as hell (and misinterpret nearly every status update or blog I post) so I really don’t think it’s that far-fetched.

    Poor kid… This is why you don’t add family to a peer type of site unless you’re going to be on your toes 100% of the time, both with what you post and with monitoring what your friends post.

    Then again, he DID choose to publish results for a quiz, and that’s not something I take kindly to these days.

  41. That’s why my older family members will never learn of facebook, or of the internet for that matter.

  42. Billy Wilders Dead Monkey


  43. How old is John?

  44. I love when fathers call their sons by the same name like it means something. My name is John so all my children need to be named John !!! Fuck you egoistic fuck. Stop adding family that bitch at you to your lists, my mom wanted in on my page and I straight up said no.

  45. I too have seen many a family member sign posts with “Uncle Badarbadar” or “Aunt Whatshertwat”. I vote real on this hilariously shameful display. I think the best part is, his family will totally be checking in to make sure he doesn’t break the ban.

  46. This is why it is not cool to add family members on facebook. I have had to be VERY careful about this kid of stuff, I shouldn’t have to, I’m in my 30’s, but my family are all stuck up, conservative pricks. Facebook needs to allow you to assign groups to your posts, be they status updates, links and quizzes etc, just like you can with notes and pictures. I maintain my groups very well, but can barely use them for anything.

  47. OH NOES, he’s a penis! An actual body part that he owns! God forbid children even fucking acknowledge body parts before they turn 18. The fact that HE DID NOT write this himself makes them even dumber.

    What the fuck is wrong with these relatives? I want to punch them in their faces for being so fucking stupid.

  48. Lmao You’re a dick

  49. Poor John 🙁

  50. this is why friending family is a no-no! luckily these days FB has the option of blocking certain people from seeing certain things. privacy managers FTW!

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