Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Happy Wiping

previous post: Afternoon Wins



  1. Before smartphones, this wasn’t as much of a problem. We used to just tear out a page of the magazine and use that.

  2. Tissues, paper towels, napkins…

  3. I’d wipe my arse on the roomies pillow.. that’s fucking pathetic

  4. So good. My roommate does this shit all the time.

  5. So fake.

  6. Ahhh, the passive-aggressive room mate and their fucking notes. I’m so glad I don’t have to put up with that shit anymore.

  7. I’ve never had a ‘room mate’ that I wasn’t in a relationship with. Does this shit happen a lot?

  8. This isn’t passive aggression, it’s fairly active.

  9. Is it really that hard to change the roll? That would solve the problem. And I guess with smartphones they need to make a “wiping app” eh?

  10. Brent’s roommate is the asshole. There are starving children in Africa who would love to be able to wipe their assholes with 2-3 pieces of clean toilet instead of a rock, their hand or a fucking zebra. Brent is the definitely of finishing the food on your plate.

  11. Definition*

  12. Toilet paper*

  13. Fuck*

  14. ^ *fuck their assholes?

  15. “A fucking Zebra”

  16. *use the flatmate’s towel.

  17. a dark towel so he doesn’t notice until he’s shit-spackled his nostrils.

  18. eh. whatever’s closest.
    remember – you didn’t start this and that gives you the moral higher ground.

  19. fail/fake/fagg

  20. Remember how soldiers always natter on about how it’s possible to wipe your shit hole with only 1 square of toilet paper?

    They lied. They want you to wipe your arse with your finger. Not content with killing folk they want us all to have faeces fingers too.

  21. Starving children in Africa wiping their asses with a fucking zebra. Too funny. Can you see the zebra just running away when someone grabs it’s nice clean tail that it just got done cleansing from the last starving child’s ass-wiping?
    I can.

  22. @21 You’re a goddam visonary. A true seer. Tell me Great Swami, do you see yourself posting something even remotely interesting someday?

  23. ^ Fuck no, assclown. I’d rather not try – it’s too much work.
    Anyway, I was expressing my amusement over spuds’ comment in #10.
    Die young.

  24. I can’t fucking stand passive aggressive people, my brother’s like that. Last time we got in an arguement I delivered a left hook to his jaw, and a forearm strike to the throat before he ran out the door screaming like a little girl all the way to the neighbors house, to call the police. Got arrested for domestic battery, and it took me five days to bail myself out because they had me in medical (thinking I was going to go through withdrawls because I took off before the got to house and ate a handful of benzos I had in my pocket) and my phone pin wasn’t working.

  25. My iPhone saved me from having to wipe once with my fingers in China. I still had to wait about 20 minutes squatting down (there was no toilet, just a hole in the ground) in freezing temperature, while my friend went to a pharmacy to buy TP. It was the highlight of my visit to that market in Shanghai.

  26. A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the forest. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, “Do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?” The rabbit replies, “Not at all.” So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit.

    An idiot bums a ride from a truck driver. After about two hours of driving and talking, the idiot says he has to use the bathroom. Well, they’re in the middle of nowhere, and the truck driver tells the idiot that there are no restrooms for another hour. The idiot says he can’t hold it, so the truck driver pulls over so the idiot can go behind a bush. After a while, the idiot yells, “Hey, you got any toilet paper?” “No,” the truck driver replies, “You got a dollar? Use that.” After a while, the idiot comes back with shit all over his clothes, and the truck driver asks, “What the hell happened to you?” The idiot replies, “Ever try to wipe your ass with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel?”

  27. ^I’d rather try and figure out the whole three sea shells thing than try to use pocket change! Points if you get the reference. V, I’m surprised you waited that long, you are aware the newer iphones have an app for that, right?

  28. ^ Demolition Man. Where are my points, dammit?

  29. Right here B! Good job mayne! Love that movie!

  30. velocirrober, I’m pretty sure I would’ve just used the iPhone to wipe my ass.

  31. ^please leave the camera on, ok?
    from everyone here.

  32. ^ Seconded! 😉

  33. @23 Ah, self-deprecating indifferent denial with a side of anger. Well played–made Eminem a fortune. How’s that working out for you in the real world? More like ice, ice, baby?

  34. As much as I would like to see Bacchante’s ass, I don’t want to see it with shit on it. I vote against leaving the camera on for that particular function.

    But do please leave it on for the next time you engage in coitus (see, Kid Zombie, that word IS used by normal people).

  35. ^you think you’re normal?!

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