Friday, April 15, 2011

Ladies, meet Russell.

previous post: Jesus Saves…



  1. Laaaaaame!

  2. “Prolly” glad he married you. What a catch. I hope this dude is 16, because otherwise that’s just pathetic.

    Also I want a “time castle”.

  3. tl;dr

  4. Aww. He’s pouring his little heart out. It’s kind of sweet.

  5. God this is so good. I hope it’s real. Wheres jimmyj so he can find the kid’s profile who made this??

  6. Glorious!
    Makes me sad I didn’t save myself for him too. He’s just so lovable and shit

  7. holy crap, that’s the first time i was ever first… lol.. may i relish this lame moment with this lame essay by russell, dedicated to his left hand?

  8. Awww, that would actually be quite adorable if he could spell.

  9. I’m almost done reading all 700 some pages of this site. Finally decided to post, though not sure why on this one.

    I have to wonder what it’s like to have an IQ below 60. Anybody else wonder how a person’s mind works when they type something like that?

  10. @ 7 – It looks like six other people stole first from you at the last second.

    Whatever to the actual post. Russell is obviously very young and only literate in the vaguest, sketchiest sense of the word. I say, more power to him that he’s actually trying to do right by someone. Yeah, his spelling and grammar is a nightmare and his whole letter is pretty immature and ignorant, but this could have been much worse. He could have been comparing his baby mama to Wal-Mart and taking photos of his baby with a bong.

  11. This…. is not…. cute.

    I would die if my significant other whipped this out on our wedding day. Even with correct spelling. Ew.

  12. No, automaton, she (I presume) only just belatedly realized she was first.

    Come back again tomorrow for the missdejablue/STEEEEEEEEEVEEEEER showdown

  13. This really pisses me off for some reason. I know I’ve seen a lot of stupid on this site, but I think it just hit home that this is our future. Son of a bitch.

  14. I wonder if he’s going to actually laugh out loud during his speech or just say it.

  15. I for one would LOVE a time castle. Just sayin’…

  16. Chill. He’s probably just a kid. Geez. At least he’s trying to be a good person.

  17. Yes quite the catch indeed. He’s bossy because he loves you. Damn! I fear for the girl who lets this illiterate douche boss her around… oops, sorry *love her* around.

  18. LOL at Jonas!

  19. Wow… I thought that our future had been saved by the young people I spoke with yesterday; however, after reading this I’m not so sure.

  20. This is probably one of the better bad spelling/grammar posts lol. If I was to “travle to all the ins of the earth” I don’t think the Bahamas would be on the top of my list. I would choose Amsterdam and forget what I was doing there.

  21. I want to be his boo.
    I will be his boo!

  22. Can we get a LIKE option for the comments section for those of us too lazy to comment?

  23. I changed the settings on my cell phone just so I could ‘like’ this. Thank god he’s a virgin- no chance of him polluting the world with his kind just yet, and by the sounds of it he doesn’t have any balls. No need to worry guys, mankind’s not in trouble with this one.

    Mandicane I’d also die if my boyfriend read this- wedding or not!

    Ebola did you save yourself?

  24. OK, I retract my statement. We should worry, he’s not alone:

  25. Lol – ‘time castle’

  26. Lawdy, I be in love!

  27. @Jonas, I think the LOL is more like stage direction. This way he know when his letter is funny, seeing as he’ll be wading through that piss poor English the entire speech.
    I don’t really know why people thing horrific spelling is “cute”, but it’s really not. Unless you’re in grade school, then it’s not really cute, and more a fact of life. I know grade schoolers that spell and write better than this.

  28. Why is everyone laughing at me?

  29. Butt, butt butt, open up the time castle
    butt, butt butt, time castle time castle

  30. thataintwhaturdaddysaid

    I’m sorry but LOL written by a man in a letter to a woman has got to be grounds for annulment. Nothing says “I’m a man that likes to have sex with me” like “congratlations on gettin married…to me LOL!”

  31. thataintwhaturdaddysaid


  32. How can he love her so much when he doesn’t even know her? That’s incredibly stupid. When he really gets into a relationship I guess his “I love you” will be just as meaningless.

  33. At least he is not like “I will punch your face into many bleeding pieces” Or “Yo, yo I be a mean rapper” or “Hello, I am Mitt Romney”

  34. Apart from the boo part, this guy writes just like my ex boyfriend.

    Also, who in their right mind acutally likes being call “boo”? Seriously, if anyone ever came up to me & called me that, I’d punch them in the nuts.

  35. Nelly and Kelly’s Dilemma – she sang ‘even when i’m with my boo..’

    I always wondered what the hell she was talking about. I heard it like ‘poo’ 😀 Then i thought, if she meant boom, like a boom box.. Remind you, english is not my first language.

  36. “time castle” I died! No really. I have a degree in English and I just died. Russell, you’ve killed me. I’m dead. Your words have made me no longer living. You could f*ck me running because I’ve so died.

  37. ‘Reiterate’ was the most impressive part about it. Until I realised he spelt that wrong too.

  38. Russell, I’m going to let you off, but only because you’re 8 years old. Right?

  39. “sometime i get cranky but gurl u just gunnna have to excuse my bossiness thats just how i roll but no that is comes from a place of love” Holy Shiiiite! I’m the one who is LOL. I have not yet decided if this is funny or sad. I’m also confused how he uses words like: prolly, time castle, gunnna, alrite, hav…just an atrocious attempt at the English language but he can correctly spell words like through and special? I wuda thouht dat he wuda spelled dem lik thru and speshul n shit. Oh yeah he correctly spelled “shit”.

  40. @ 32 – That’s exactly what I was thinking. I hate things like this. Everything he’s saying is generic and can be said to anyone, not to mention how meaningless it is since he’s writing it to his “future boo”. He should probably wait until he’s in a serious relationship to write something like this.

  41. He is obviously a good provider as he has so much at the store for her. Also time castle sounds awesome, like a medi-evil upgraded capsule.


  43. vaginalroundhouse

    Will he pronounce his spelling? Will he actually say “lol” or laugh while reading it? If I were reading this out loud I would say “forgot to capitalize the first word in this new sentence.”

  44. This cracks me up. He’s just assuming that his future wife is a hottie. What if he falls in love with a girl with a heart of gold, and a face of mud? “God must have been showing off when he made you, you’re so stunning.” Awwwkward

  45. I read this out loud and a R&B beat started playing.

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