Friday, January 28, 2011

Not Feelin’ This

previous post: I Saw the Sign



  1. whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the fuck?

  2. *sigh* so fucking romantic.
    Imma go find me a Gaultier cologne smellin nigga cuz I wanna be witchu 2

    what hpcan says

  3. Please, lord, let this idiot be barren. That is all.

  4. tl;dr

  5. Hil, I am in complete agreeance with you.

    It took me almost 10 minutes to make sense of this (I can’t read ghetto – so sue me). In the end, all I could tell is that she sure is one violent, lying, sweaty palmed bitch

  6. “And the image of us makin’ love”

    And then I got that image in my head.

    And then I lost my breakfast.

  7. OMG. This stuff is so epic.

  8. Like Lexie, her heart is in her vagina.

  9. Tl,dr

  10. Ok, it’s looooong and the spelling and English is atrocious, but that is actually a pretty talented rapper, and female at that!

  11. hahaha “witchu” is the sound i make when i sneeze:)

  12. Bless you.

  13. i think this is supposed to be poetry, there are a lot of rhymes in there. i believe it is intended to be read in onegin stanza, although she does occasionally dip into iambic pentameter. there are also a couple of stray anapaests thrown in which subtly undermines the predominant metric pattern. i’ll eat my hat if this isn’t the most extraordinarily subversive comment on the pitfalls of postmodernism since jürgen habermas.

  14. I read it as being written in pentameter.


  15. It is obviously a rap, I would not go as far as to say ‘Talented’ but once you read it as a song it’s not as bad.

  16. Yeah, not really feeling it. I would rather see this shit performed. So who among us is going to make that happen?

  17. @anorexicpanda, my cat’s heart was in her vagina. We had it surgically corrected for slightly less than $1k.

    @blondebimbo, challenge accepted. Just give me a little time to get my nails and hair did, first.

  18. @Miss, I can hardly wait. Your nails better be about 10 inches long though. Just some friendly advice.

  19. I rapped vincent’s comment.

  20. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

  21. @BucketOfScuzz, Agreed. It could be worse.

  22. Bros before hos.

  23. It’s actually romantic, she’s just iterating herself in the vernacular, which in this case is slightly tarnished and isn’t comprised of a huge lexicon. But at least it’s not as bombastic as this drivel.

    As to humour, insert your own cultural icons and theorists, anecdotes and non-sequiturs. Habermas is taken, so maybe I’ll start the ball rolling with Roland Barthes and Death of the Author. Also throw in a bit of Rick James for the “hell” of it.

  24. *composed of

    This is some of the freshest prose I have read in decades. The style is cohesive and consistent, the construction far above average, and it conveys the writer’s feelings vividly. I like it.

  25. She does an excellent job of expressing herself. Well done Candice! I liked it.

  26. #23 – i can’t help reading your comment in a french accent. it’s the slightly forced use of big words just for the sake of it, combined with the giveaway mistake in the first sentence. there simply can’t be two people as preposterous as you, pep.

    i like your recommended reading though. barthes provides a much more appropriate framework within which to read candice than habermas. i admit, i only mentioned him for the academic lulz. someone like chomsky would have been a better choice, in retrospect, if his name wasn’t such a dirty word in the media!

  27. …dammit. Kudos though, I really thought nobody would call me out on that, I noticed it but was too lazy to scroll back and change it. Damn iPhones. But I agree with your sentiments.

  28. Called out twice. Now I feel like White Fang when he gets to that dude’s house. Obviously though, my point was the bombast lulz. Lol at the “dirty word in the media.” Don’t get the pep reference, enlighten me?

  29. there’s a french guy called pep who sometimes posts here, and he is similarly fond of long words. i’m sure you’d like him.

  30. …perhaps this will lure him down from his ivory tower de fromage. we can but hope.

  31. Ah cheers. Apparently there are two people as preposterous as him then. I like you all already.

  32. Not the way I’d express it, but she’s in love with a friend with beneifts. Who hasn’t felt like this girl?

    You may have had the good sense to confide to your mom and and your journal, but she bothers to rhyme her internal drama.

    Lame and touching.

  33. I hope she also rambles on in tongues when she is making love as well

  34. lame attempt at poetry

  35. This is much better if you read it out loud in a West country / Bristol accent.

    ‘Ther smell of yer gooltee-ay coloon’…

    To be fair, I’ve read 127 poems/raps worse than this on ripped up pieces of paper on shopping centre floors so it can’t be all bad.

  36. Honestly, this isn’t as awful as I thought it was going to be. Aside from the U’s and some other mistakes, her spelling and punctuation are pretty good. The rap isn’t the best, but there’s way, way, WAY worse stuff out there than this.

  37. Ah ghetto love, is there any better kind?
    She be ready to throw down and fuck a bitch up for him, if that’s not love I don’t know what is.

  38. She posted a few other ones, and then posted a few status updates about how she gave the guy a few kids and he cheated on her. It’s pretty ridiculous and a bit sad.

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