Thursday, March 17, 2011

Updates from Up Above

previous post: Background Checks



  1. Daniel needs a girlfriend named Sunday more THAN he needs a preacher who can teach him about grammar. Blowjobs vs. communion at my house this weekend.

  2. With regards to post #1 I must say I am quiet tired of the “I’m going to name my so that when people say !”

    Still better than all of the pun crap though.

    Posted from my iPhone (named “The Titanic”)

  3. I don’t like bacon, therefore post 3 was not funny because I don’t like death uncle Jokes.

  4. @blah mcblah: I don’t know about better, but at least they’re shorter.

  5. I’m not a bacon-eater and I’m a girl, so I like sex and sausages better… Sexual innuendo included!


  6. gutterlbp, that’s stellar that you’ve managed to make yourself a blog. Really it is. But you do NOT need to include he link in your fucking post. Let us click the link in your name and be surprised at where the fuck it takes us okay? Because the link is fucking annoying and I’m getting really sick of the new spamming trend. So wise the fuck up, or get the fuck out.

  7. gutterlbp, I looked at your blog. blondie might think it’s a stellar effort, but, honey, I do not. An entire blog dedicated to your obsession with Disney World? Um, snoozers. You want more followers, and you’re posting it here? Wrong crowd, lovey. One bright spot, though, is your husband’s link to his music lyrics. They are good for a laugh.

  8. Word, you make me giggle.

  9. The beauty of the internet: you all still looked and I still got the traffic. Whether you enjoyed it or not, the post still has driven people to my blog. By drawing attention to how much you dislike it, it sent even more people over. Thanks for the help!


  10. No worries, chubs.

  11. Oh, and one more thing: Send your hubby to my link. He should read the lyrics to this Beck song (they’re posted below the vid). You know, get a few pointers and all. Just a thought. Have a nice day.

  12. Hubby’s songbook was interesting. It’s not truly terrible, but all the songs sound exactly the same. All 107 of them. That’s not creative. That’s a condition.

    …Ummm….apart from Number 88 ‘A Holly Jolly Christmas’ – which is truly most excellent. Eat your heart out Phoebe Buffay.

  13. Great balls of fire 107 songs? That’s quite the playlist. I wonder if the goal is to write one per pound of his wife’s weight….good start but not there yet…still quite a way to go. Good luck buddy.

  14. I agree – those are some deep & thought-provoking lyrics. I particularly enjoyed this one:

    Have you seen my orange,
    it fell right off my tree,
    been weeks since I’ve seen it,
    I feel I’ve lost a part of me.
    (chorus)Tell me truthfully have you seen it,
    can’t tell you the pain I feel,
    help me find my orange,
    even though by now it’s just a rind.
    Please Sir or Madame,
    I’m losing my sanity,
    I’m not sure long I can take this,
    before I lose it completely. (chorus)
    Oh jolly day,
    they’ve come to take me away,
    maybe they’ll have some oranges for me,
    maybe not,
    I didn’t want any anyway…

    Pure genius, I tell you.

  15. And you got that from where?

    By the way, I’m impressed with how many trolls are here. Is this a fairy tale? I can’t believe that all of you have nothing else to do, but mock me. I would enjoy hearing your attempts at songwriting. But you’re right, it’s far easier to make fun of others than to bring anything positive into the world.

    I haven’t heard anything good from Beck in 17 years…

  16. And we haven’t heard anything good from you yet…so point: Beck.

  17. @saulsimeon

    I’ve been following along here and you know what’s funny?
    The fact that you condemn people for making fun of you, yet,you mock and make fun of them and their(supposed)songwriting skills.
    So you are a hypocrite.

    I play music for a living, and have been recording and touring with nationals for 13 years as a hired gun, so I’d like to think I know a little about music. I also have a masters in performance.
    And in my professional opinion, your songwriting is trite and contrived at best.
    At least try a modulation once in a while.Change it up a little.
    It’s very samey.Same groove every song.Same key every song.

    Good luck!

  18. Really, though, the best part about this songwriting duo (and I use the term very loosely) is their names: Saul Simeon & Mart Arfunkel. Are you fucking kidding me? Ahahahahaha…

  19. Oh paton, no paton. You had my attention until: “…also I have a masters in…” then I was just waiting for you to announce that Herpes 2 is a comfortable diesease and you’re a lingerie model. Don’t leave me hanging 😉

  20. golly, I couldn’t even focus on your name *patton

  21. Fuck me static, it’s turning into spam central, btw has anyone seen/heard/killed ‘Buster’ lately? There’s one guy who did not understand karmic retribution for his god awful spamming.

    Be warned spammers in waiting, payback is a bitch.

    …and ‘Have you seen my orange’

  22. My personal favourite line, PA. By a mile. I’m going to go have a few now in honour of these tools.

  23. @imingpei
    Thanks for quoting back my lyrics even though it was in mocking. That has never happened in 15 years and it must have taken you a bit to delete the guitar chords…

  24. @Paranoid Android
    I’m sorry if my link caused you mental distress and you felt it was dreaded spam. You must get a lot of viruses from clicking on every link. So one last time:

  25. @blondebimbo & @wordpervert
    You guys are just mean.
    Who hurt you?
    Where did your uncle touch you?
    Where does all this hate come from?
    Really though… Kind of jerky and you aren’t invited to my tea party.

  26. Boy, they must be crushed, now, you heartless jerkwad!

  27. CommentsAtLarge

    Silly, silly Saul – they’re both more than welcome at my tea party (guaranteed it will be more fun).

    Oh, and I have your orange.

  28. saul, your overweight, overworked, overstressed, Mickey Mouse-loving spouse set all of this in motion. People don’t take very kindly to spamming, so by her inappropriately posting the link to her bleh here on Lamebook, this has been the result.

    But are you really that surprised by the reaction to your work? You seem to be. There are meds for delusional disorder. I’m not a songwriter, but I appreciate good songwriting. Any nong could write crap like yours and call it music. Harsh? No way. I’m being kind compared to what those in the music industry would say. We’ve actually done you a favour. Think of this as preparation for the real world. So suck it up, princess, it’s only going to get harder.

    word (but you can call me Al)

  29. And here I was thinking honesty was the best policy. Apparently now it’s just “mean”. And let me tell you….I’m going to party hard and Comments’ tea party.

  30. He was being facetious. I’m sorry if that’s too big of a word for you, blondebimbo. Again, I will direct everyone’s attention to what I said before: all of this animosity from you, has driven traffic to our blogs. He couldn’t care less what you think of him or his music, but since it gets people to our sites (which makes us money), he keeps stirring the pot to keep you fools going.

    I will repeat again, all you’re doing is helping us. We have no problem continuing this until the end of time because there are people who are not agreeing with any of you, going to check out our sites.

  31. Or they’re going to go look at just what a pile of shit it is (don’t be so proud of your basic work kiddo). And don’t worry, facetious isn’t too big of a word for me. But apparently it’s too large of a concept for you to grasp when it happens outside of your own husbands posts. But don’t worry, you can’t be expected to have an IQ over 70 if you married a man writing songs about oranges.

  32. @gutterflap, am agreeing with Blondebimbo. I don’t care about your husband’s website, his lyrics or you. The only thing you have going for you is a potentially early death, since morbidly obese people die young.

  33. I’m going to agree with everyone that the advertising for the two stupid blogs is not only LAME, but it’s annoying. I don’t come here to get bombarded with links to websites that are poorly designed and do not relate to any of the subject matter on the website that I am visiting. Enjoy the fraction of a cent you get when people click on your link, but what you’re really earning is the indignation of the people of the interwebs; and that’s just being stupid.

    Don’t ever act like you are greater than the internet and blast your adversaries with such unfounded mockery, I promise that all you’ll do is invite a hacking and the injection of code into your blogs that your feeble brains will be unable to decipher or correct.

    Take your schmuckery and oranges somewhere else, the internet has spoken.

  34. You put that perfectly, shalalala. I had to laugh at gutterlbp’s blog. I mean I’m still trying not to choke from my hysterical laughter at someone who says, “I’m not a bacon-eater and I’m a girl, so I like sex and sausages better… Sexual innuendo included!” but yet has an entire blog devoted to her love of Disney World.

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