Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Goin’ Balls Out

previous post: Exemplary Affection



  1. what the f?

  2. Matt’s girlfriend probably forced him to go see “The Last Song”. If so, this seems like a reasonable punishment to impose on himself.

  3. Haha teo, true

  4. He realized he enjoyed Twilight.

    Well, actually, one would then be trying to cut out their brain…

  5. I can’t believe it took until Ted for someone to point out that feeling an urge to cut your balls off is not a guy thing.

  6. Errr…. yeah you do that and after you’re finished go see a doctor because cutting your own balls off wont make you a whiny little old woman,so stop whining like one and do it already. You don’t deserve balls if you talk about them like that, they have feelings too! Jeez….

  7. ‘dude ill tell u privatly’

  8. I was thinking of what the female version of this particular brand of crazy might be, but then I stopped myself… I’m too attached to my various body parts to even imagine it.


  9. Also, it’s possible his girlfriend made him go see Eat, Pray, Love. *shudder*

  10. I did go see Eat, Pray, Love because of the tiny chance that at the end of the movie, Javier Bardem would go into his character from No Country for Old Men and shoot Julia Roberts in the head with that cattle bolt gun thingy. Sadly, no. I almost cut off my testicles but then realized I’ve been missing them since 1997 when my high school girlfriend dragged me to go see Titanic. Twice.

  11. Oh, teo. I sympathise with you. Haven’t gone to see EPL, mainly because I like good things and not shitty ones.

  12. I prefer adequate things, because good things create unrealistic expectations for the next time that are very rarely met. I’m looking in your direction, Iron Man 2.

  13. There’s a moral to that: don’t expect good things from Marvel. Sometimes you might be pleasantly surprised, but don’t expect it.

  14. Ahhh Teo, that cattle bolt gun would have made a perfect ending. I wouldn’t go see Eat pray love even if Halle Berry was giving free head at the end of the movie.

  15. Good call – instead, just go get a hooker and get her to put on a Catwoman outfit. More expensive, but worth it to avoid watching 2 hours of Julia Roberts eating pasta and then not getting shot in the head with a bolt gun.

  16. If that’s truly a ‘guy thing’ then consider me a big vagina that has happened to grow some male parts over the years.

  17. I was born with four testicles. After puberty, my voice was so deep it could only be heard by a Richter scale designed by Barry White. The ladies were not impressed by my sexy language of plate tectonics, so I chopped off two of my balls. I tended to leak semen and blood on a regular basis anyway, so the recovery and healing wasn’t much different than what I’d always known.

    I just wish alordslums hadn’t stolen my extras. THEY WON’T MAKE YOU A REAL BOY!

  18. Oh Soup, you crazy, crazy fool.

    Think Matt should be have a chat with Jet. Problem solved.

  19. The day I found Soup’s discarded balls was one I’ll never forget. It made all the long, hard (pardon the pun) years of stalking him so worth it. They are now hanging on my wall and they pulsate with a faint, green, wondrously otherworldly glow. It’s glorious

  20. Dammit I need to learn to read… You say Alord got your balls? But that means I’ve got fake soup testicles… Well, my life is now ruined. I’m going to go sit in the corner and listen to some Paramore while writing haunting poetry about cutting myself now.

  21. Coronary, writing poetry is better than actually cutting yourself. But we have to be careful what we say, Matt may misunderstand the concept of “cutting himself”.

    Also, listening to Paramore is a perfectly common method of getting over fake testicles.

  22. attention whore

  23. soup, if you’d told me that ten years ago it could’ve spared me years of pain. i used to hate going in the showers after phys. ed. at school. all my classmates used to call me mickey mouse because my voice was so high, and my down-below looked like mickey’s face.

    as you can imagine i was also terrible at sport.

  24. fuck my mangled knackers and FUCK html code!

  25. alord – I’m sure there’s a lengthy queue waiting to fuck your mangled knackers, the HTML code – not so much.

    ‘Classic Girl’ in American Apparel – Sort them eyebrows out love and them fucking awful slacks.

  26. *puts down nasal decongestant for two seconds* “I just missed out on something”… Yeah, I pretty much want to cut a breast off each time a Mars Bar wrapper tells me I’m not a winner.

  27. Oh what, the reason he didn’t feel like a man is private, but the fact he nearly cut his own balls off because he’s mental isn’t?

  28. Also fuck you, html.

  29. I’m going to post a bold statement.

    There (Yes, lame pun).

    Now, this guy doesn’t deserve his balls anyways. I don’t think what’s worse, sharing his stupid intentions or the stupid made up reason he needed about this thing.

  30. Im pretty sure when girls get upset they dont chop off their boobs, I mean but how would I know. Just because im a girl myself myself doesnt mean anything. Mhmmm, yeah totally, yep totally NO CLUE. That would be just a bit weird…

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