Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Shakespearean Advice

previous post: Gotta Stay Fresh



  1. Shakespeare could spit insults and rhymes better than 50 cent could ever dream of.

    A while ago, I was walking my dog at the park and a couple of Eminem wannabe 12 year olds started cussing at me about how owning a poodle made me a “fucking fag”.

    I didn’t think to say this at the time, but should have replied with:
    “I bite my thumb at thy lineage, ye bastards, return home to thy harlot mothers”

    That would have shut them the hell up.

  2. That man that hath a poodle, I say, is a fag, if with his poodle he expects to be respected.

  3. ^ Given thy username, I suspect thou useth your hand more than your tongue.

  4. Chicks dig poodles. Especially the big ones.

  5. Poodles are gay. -chick

  6. Every one is at least a little gay. Right DanR?

  7. Oh FFS. First of all, the Poodle was inherited after my grandfather died, and if I hadn’t owned it, wouldn’t have met my current wife who approached us to check out my dog.

    Secondly, said dog died yesterday at the age of 15 and it’s still a little raw so STFU about how ‘poodles are gay’ – you’re no better than the dickheads at the park that day.

  8. Damnit DanR. First of all, I made that comment because I thought it was funny. I needed funny today, because yesterday I lost my hand. My RIGHT hand. As my name suggests, I am the master of porn, but I can no longer enjoy pornvideos. And here you are, making fun of my name and my hand, which i no longer have!

    Secondly, I don’t have a left arm either. This means I can’t go lefty while watching porn. I am left with a hardass boner, and you’re mocking me. I’ll have you know that I donated my left arm to my father who had his arm amputated because of fingercancer that had spread up close to his schoulder.

    I am typing this with my hard-on. So, again, Damn you DanR.

  9. Don’t insult my dog, you guys. He’s dead.

    Also.. don’t insult my mom, you guys. She’s also dead.

  10. @#4 – Big poodles, or big chicks?

  11. Poodles love peanut butter.

  12. Never let the lamebook story get in the way of a great unrelated story

  13. “Did u bite ur thumb at me fag” 2002 was a great year for Shakespeare. Boy that brings back good memories! You roxor! “Wtf were u doin” “mackin!” “Omg n00b he’s a montague” and Pm27 why the fuck would you do that? Really? Man up and carve some new appendages out of wood like I did, but knoweth however, that my prosthetic is always going to be superior…and the story of how it was unjustly taken from thee, much cooler. If thou somehow doubt this, landlubber, I’d be glad to undue my trousers and whip out my chap to prove my dominance. Hopefully you take my word on this. I wouldn’t want to embarrass such a foolish perpetually flaccid small dicked poodle hatin’ drunkard such as yerself by show’n off me massive cock, and all t’ neato things I can do w’it! 😛 (you practically admitted to your hobbit sized noodle yourself by being able to type so well with it….and we all know ‘ere, that any man wit’ a respectably sized erect penis would be bashin’ ‘is keys all over t’ place should they attempt t’ type wit’ it!),

  14. Why do you always do this? ^
    🙁 I don’t feel like reading super long comments

  15. Oh, come on now dardar. It’s not that bad! I have faith in you young padawan, you can do it! Traverse the tiny little wall of text and bring honour to your people!

  16. #10 – Good question. When you figure it out, let us know.

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