Friday, December 4, 2009

Wut Th3 FK?




previous post: Push it to the Limit



  1. This isn’t English right? This must be some other language I’m not familiar with.

  2. Few things make me wanna ruin somebody’s shit as much as this post does.

  3. @martha- The second post clearly is not ebonics…although you can read the status through an ebonics tone the next post is a dead giveaway that it is closer to cockney….If it were ebonics she would have said ma, mah, my or something that would be conducive with the rest of her speech patterns- i.e. writing fly as fly and time as tyme….the vowel sound of “i” clearly is a long “e” pronunciation. In England, they would say something like “m telephone” in ebonics, it would be “m telephone”

    i am still trying to figure out wtf is going on with the first post, though…the only way i can read that is through the voice of Boxxy…

  4. Somebody PLEASE pass me an Aspirin. Not one Aspirin. The whole damn bottle of ’em.

  5. Edit: forgot they allowed tags here…
    cockney dialect: M-ee- telephone….ebonics: m-aa- telephone.
    given the usage of the same representation of the vowel sound -aa- to be consistent through other parts of the message, it is clear it is -ee-.

    Cockney accents are rad.

  6. Am I the only one that found “Wonkey Donkey” a bit odd?

    I need a Panadol 🙁

  7. Just when you thought the english language could not be mutilated anymore, a generation of abbreviaters have abbreviated so much they have discombobulated majority of the globe. They are getting stronger. The end is near. Repent, for the increase in the abbreviaters cofuzzling powers is yet another sign that the world will end in 2012.

  8. #29 Thesaurapist RULES for the Clockwork Orange ref!!


  9. #57 Insane

    We will in fact, be outbred by the idiots. Technology has allowed Darwinian theories to work in reverse.

  10. Ugh, I think my brain just walked out on me.

  11. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    I believe my brain nearly reverted to primordial ooze. I think even Neanderthal speak is more intelligible than that garble

  12. This hurts my head. It’s like trying to work out where the fairy is in a 3 year old’s drawing.

  13. # 59 Anitalaff: Absolutely fucking hilarious! Yet so true. The epiphany of epiphanies!

  14. WTH! My brain hurts from attempting to read whatever the hell they were saying. There’s too many stupid people. Just too many.

  15. Yeah, I think I’m skipping this post. Whatever comedy gold there might be in it is just not worth it.

  16. td;cr

  17. @Keyser Soze:

    Wasn’t intentional, friend. Have been the “underscored” Keyser_Soze for years now on a bunch of forums. Sorry ’bout that.

  18. Gave me a bit of a pain in my gulliver, and had to go bedways and get a bit of spatchka.

  19. The wonky donkey comment makes me think this person is between 20 and 30 years old. It was very popular around in the late 1990s and early 2000s due to a Saturday tv program called SM:TV that featured a competition which had a mascot of a toy donkey with 1 leg shorter than the others. Hense wonky donkey. Thank you Ant and Dec

  20. How do you pronounce the first guy’s name? Because I keep thinking of it as pork.

  21. maybe ‘paws’ or ‘pork’. any other suggestions?

  22. He sure likes saying ‘I dont know’..

  23. English teachers need a salary raise if this is the shit they have to put up with.

  24. Kenada, that was brilliant, thank you! I had no idea what she was saying.

  25. @39 nice back to the future reference. And to the translators, good job, there was no fucking way I was gonna try and read it how it was

  26. to everyone who is asking why she was putting qs for rs, she posted from mobile those letters are on the same number on a phone… though there is no excuse for this. *drops head in shame*

  27. Well I’ve just been left with a bunch of questions. Most notably:
    Is it fashionable now to exchange q for r?
    And if so… fucking WHY?!
    Who would name their son Destiny Taylor.
    Again, fucking WHY?!
    What exactly can Darby Warby do with his left leg?
    And would it get him far in the porn industry?
    What in hell is a kacked shat?
    And as for Thelonious… how come he has the correct “i-o-u” structure in his name, yet types as though “dem niggaz” he’s talking about just beat his brain to a pulp.

    Overall, just fucking WHY?!?!?!

  28. I fucken hate these posts – I can read them but its slow and painful and when you reach the end you realise the message was just a fucken pile of Emo dogshit……….. I avoid wasting my time reading this shit, until I find myself faced with a weekend that finds me not doing anything special and Lamebook is not updating…… at this moment I feel compelled to apply the extra effort in deciphering this shit and I always come to the same conclusion – FUCK YOU LAMEBOOK FOR POSTING THIS ABORTION OF A POST!

  29. @Gripper: I think i am going to die of laughter, or dehydration from all of the laughing tears. FTW!!!

  30. From what I can gather the second one is trying to imply she has had a ‘mad’ night on drugs or at least Warby has, Talk to Frank is the UK drug helpline.

    I am hoping she is still tripping as this will make me feel better about the post and believe that this kind of fuckwit does not actually exist in normal sober life!

  31. Taking shot at this (so glad to put my English degree to work in such an honorable manner!):

    #1 (Porc) – I am in the shower with a headache and dizziness left over from yesterday. Perhaps I should pursue the single life from now on. I love Destiny Taylor, and I think he loves me like he says. However, he doesn’t think I love him at all. I am really not sure, but I do know that I am tired of crying over him.

    #2 – Apparently Jenna has a friend named Warby who can do an insane trick with his left leg and therefore can no longer be a wallflower at social gatherings. Also, one of her friends is very short.

    #3 (Thelonius) – A particular gang [Ed. note — mostly likely some form of Crips, perhaps the La Tercera or Loc Town) is giving me some unreasonable crap because they do not appreciate my hustle, and also they owe me money and other materials. Now I must spend approximately $20 to meet them, although they only owe me $5. Therefore, I will not have the funds available to procure 40-ounce (1.183-liter) bottles of Olde English 800 malt liquor.

  32. Oops, I forgot to post the last bit of translation for Thelonius’s status update:

    “I shall express my anger and contempt towards this gang by using a slang term for copulation directed towards them.”

  33. This is for cunninglinguist: Thanks for the translation. You defintely have a skill the government could use

  34. “adam and lewis… are missing us like a kacked shat”

    kack (or cack) means shit. so it probably means they are missed like shit that has been shitted out if that means anything. in any case i’d wager they weren’t missed at all.

    idiot chavs should be neutered.

  35. Two things.
    One, I have a sneaking suspicion Thelonious’ parents named him after famed jazz pianist Thelonious Monk. My heart weeps.
    Two, I had a friend who often referred to having sex as *skronking*. Doing it doggy style was *donkey*. Therefore, doing it doggy-style was refered to as *the Skronky Donkey*. I automatically assumed the Wonky Donkey was some sort of sex position involving Warby’s artifical leg.

  36. Holy.Crap. Those were the most crytpic messages I have ever read in my ENTIRE LIFE. I felt so proud of myself when I deciphered the first one. And because of that elation I felt when figuring it out, I officially can say that these are some of the best examples of some of the stupidest people in the entire world.

  37. My brain hurts trying to convert the text to English. I mean seriously what is:
    “iis iin th3 sh0w3q”
    “ltc b sum bytch”



  39. I just skipped all of those ^ because I couldn’t read it without flinching in pain.

  40. @Najma: Concurred.

  41. @#88 jezzypoo
    I thought the exact same thing when I saw this one

  42. I have absolutely no idea what any of them say… my head hurts from all this bad grammar!

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