Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Friendship Graveyard

Friendship Graveyard

previous post: Dan has Good Taste



  1. Facebook: Where friendships go to die.


  2. Every day before my Uncle Ross drove me to school, he would change my diaper. He kept them in his trunk, beside the jelly tots and fun-dips.
    “Unkey Ross, I’m going into the 10th grade. I don’t need you to change my diaper anymore”
    I knew he was only doing what was tradition. He held onto this tradition since I was 7-years-old. Thursdays was his diaper-day. He would usually eat Indian food on Wednesday.
    “You want that Xbox, dont you?” he would say as I slowly walked to the car each Thursday morning.

    His wife died giving birth to his brother. Ever since then he had this empty look in his eyes, I felt bad for the guy. The only thing he looked forward to was the morning ritual.
    He even drove me to my prom. I had a powder-bleu tux, donated by Uncle Ross himself. My date was Peggy-Sue, a middle-class gal from the suburbs. We danced all night and really hit it off. I don’t know if it was the spiked punch, or the clear connection between us, but by nine o’clock we were making out right on the dance floor.
    nine turned to ten, and then came twelve. The prom was over but there was a hotel party just down the road. We found an empty bathroom, I hoisted her up on the counter and slid down her dress. Her gorgeous breasts popped out and I began suckling on them. She reached down to grab my pants, but started rubbing first. She began feeling around, but suddenly pushed me away

    “Are you wearing a fucking diaper?”

    Uncle Ross pulled through and bought me the X-box for my 21st birthday.

  3. if only tristian had started off his post with “by the fuck?”

  4. AnonisGay…you are full of win… seriously.

  5. Tristan sounds like a drama queen…

  6. Wow kind of painful to read

  7. @AnonisGay: “His wife died giving birth to his brother.”

  8. Facebook: Where friendships go to whine.
    Taking aim at lousy advertising

  9. Why did he send the original message at 4:28 in the morning?

    He wanted the convo to go like this…

    “whats up dude?”
    “nuthin wuts up?”
    “me lol cyborz?”
    “ya lets get on skype lol”

    *points webcam at crotch*

  10. Joseph is an idiot. And Jesus Christ, at least send this shit through a message not a wall post.

  11. Joseph has a vagina.

  12. And the year was 2009.

  13. @ Jonas
    Joseph probably IS a vagina, because he surely takes it in the mouth.

  14. awkward

  15. The icing on the cake for me is that Joseph’s original message wasn’t “My father died yesterday” or even “Wanna see a movie on Thursday?”. It was “Hey dude whats up.” And THIS was somehow so important that ignoring it caused the world to collapse.

    Imagine: Tristan could have bypassed that whole enormous tantrum with a judiciously applied, “Nothin”

  16. At least Joseph feels like an asshole.

  17. Tristan is awesome.

  18. I hate people that say “what’s up?” or “hey” or “yo” and if you don’t reply they get pissed. If you want to talk to me, then talk. And the “can I ask you a favor?” comment, followed by nothing, pisses me off, big time.

    If you want a favor, tell me what it is, and then I’ll tell you if I’ll help!

    “Can I ask you a favor?”
    “What is it?”
    “Can you help me wash my grandpa?”
    “Fuck Yeah.”

  19. hahahahahahahaha

  20. Facebook: where friendships go to die.


  21. Tristan has perfectly summed up Facebook!

  22. People don’t answer me all the time. My heartfelt messages just sit their on their Walls, waiting for someone or something to notice them. Then they shuffle into a corner, weeping silently into a plastic cup of Diet Coke, until the barman gently explains that they have to go away now.

  23. Tristan is witty.

  24. Joseph was sounding semi-intelligent talking about societal differences until he blew it with the wrong YOUR.

  25. I can’t believe how people are so self-important that they take a no answer to a pedestrian query “Hey, what’s up?” and turn it into the end of the world.

    Grow a pair, Joe, if Mommy doesn’t still have them in her purse.

  26. “Are you wearing a fucking diaper?” LOL

  27. I missed you anonisgay!
    Love this line- Facebook: where friendships go to die
    and you’ve gotta give Joseph some credit for admitting he’s an ‘asshole’

  28. @ Anonis

    mmmmmm. jelly tots!! I LOVE jelly tots.
    do they still make those?

  29. Lucky guess, but he probably didn’t reply because it was 4:30 am.

  30. It was almost lame, almost but not quite

  31. lol Tristan’s a lil bitch

  32. Joseph’s* – imho.

  33. Wow. This one actually resolved itself pretty quickly in terms of the comments (the length of time between them is another matter, of course).

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.